What's LOVE got to do with it? The Big L?

Simply put the world is held together on every level by attractive forces.

What holds me together? What holds my friendships, family relations, etc together?

I would like to believe it's a healthy form of love.....

Love: something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (ideals, family). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state(regardless, this is a term ONE MUST TRULY DEFINE FOR ONE'S SELF).

However, I am thinking love may be less the basis for my interactions as life becomes more complicated. I find more and more that what I think is love is usually a selfish amalgamation(to mix or merge so as to make a combination) that is a desperate attempt to get what I want and need all at the same time. Such as...have your cake and eat it, too? To develop on my wants, desires, lusts, etc. and fulfill my needs as well.

I say this because I recently made a list of people I interact with and put them in the category of fulfilling my wants versus fulfilling my needs. What I realized is that those people who I concerned with my superficial WANTS were those that represented the most drama, anxiety, and direct routes to increasing stress and lack of success.

Keep in mind, I am always responsible for my choices. It is always the responsibility of the individual in one's own happiness. But sometimes it can be so very important to step away and look at even the closest/dearest friend and see what kind of threat/benefit they are really serving in your happiness. Then decide, did I put them in that position, role, etc?

In my experience.....it was always me, that allowed YOU to get to me...good or bad......

So, what's love got to do with it?

Seeing different things......

....will never expand our horizons as much as learning to "see things differently". We have been taught for years that the best way to understand our fellow human beings is to TRY and place the self in another's shoes.

Too often, we enter landmarks and people's lives as nothing more than TOURISTS. Human interaction is a natural and beautiful thing, but the various "worlds" it occurs in are often complex, divided, and ultimately chaotic.

I have felt this recently as a doctor of pharmacy student. All too often I find others requesting/demanding time and resources of me without them ever giving two seconds thought to what is required of me daily(or whatever time frame). This often occurs as somewhat of a self fulfilled occurrence..let me explain:

1. Often I have presented my priorities as something less than focused on pharmacy school and perceptively devoted to other priorities such as socializing, dramatizing,etc. Who is to blame? Me? Societal pressure?

2. We over-exaggerate our devotion to the school of pharmacy and find others pulling to RELIEVE US from the singular attachment we have developed in the pursuit of excellence in this area. Who is to blame? Me? Societal pressure?

So, what is more important...for us to see MORE DIFFERENT THINGS or to see MORE OF OUR ASSUMPTIONS DIFFERENTLY....?

For me, personally, I would benefit much more right now from limiting the want to experience more external stimuli such as reality tv, another committed relationship, or time playing video games. Rather, I would spend that time looking inward at my understanding of self to ultimately understand others.

Ritual...Ascetic..Abstinent...Solitary.......non-sensualist?

Some definitions....
1. Ascetic - someone who lives with strict self discipline and abstinence, training for spiritual reasons; living in contemplation.
2. Sensualist - A person devoted to pleasure and luxury.

One more word...quackery. It's often touted as quackery if you live a life of asceticism as opposed to frivolous intemperance. Never mind that the average American diet is expensive, wasteful, and increasingly rushing us to the grave. That is the least of our problems.......where we are excessive with food, we are short on exercise...we spend/shop impulsively, and rarely plan finances(no savings)...we desperately crave love, yet make no real time for others.

I have been extremely guilty of these simple statements and more! Again, what about an extreme, to somehow find a balance in the middle. Will it work? That is what I plan to find out.

So, now, I am trying to develop an ASCETIC lifestyle and abandon YEARS OF SENSUALISM.....can this be changed?

SSDD?

Same shit, different day? Simple question.......

What you see.......is what YOU GET?

Sure. The eyes don't lie. Whereas, the mind can be a devious thing. Most of us don't realize that the mind is involuntarily/subconsciously making corrections for our vision--blind spots, discolorations, lighting, etc.

How nice it would be if the brain could correct our stereotyping, superficial views of the world, and visual judgments that we pass ALMOST thoughtlessly every day. However, it cannot, and this is another AREA OF IGNORANCE that plagues my decision making process daily.

So, can we develop our correction? A correction factor for the superficial? Where would one start? How about an exercise in the change of mind? In many philosophies, a Lamborghini, a mansion, or a rare diamond are all objects which are merely considered PHENOMENA. A little definition....

n. pl. phe·nom·e·na (-n)

1. An occurrence, circumstance, or fact that is perceptible by the senses.

So, what value do these items really have? What has made a diamond so valuable? Why does a Lamborghini turn more heads than a Honda Accord?

Something to think about...... And now it's time for an exercise!!

For now on, those things which classically make heads turn, costs lots of money, etc, etc(don't act like it's not this way!!) will now be looked at for a short while in extreme terms without value, ugly, undesirable, and completely unappealing to the senses. An extreme view.....to end up in a balance of sense and sensibility.

Insecurity...a phenomena of ignorance

Today I read a poll from Best Life magazine, and it reminded of me how much time and energy we spend fighting our fruitless insecurities.

This month's poll: What body part makes you most self-conscious in bed....
1. My belly(too big-59%) 2. My Penis(too small-20%) 3. My butt(too soft-9%) 4. armpits and 5. Hairy back.

Now, this may be a magazine geared towards men, but both sexes can identify with these in a parallel way. Again, insecurity, anxiety, and this cyclic self destruction is based on a simple cycle of IGNORANCE. We must educate ourselves on those parallels of being human that never change...where this a lean gut, there must always be a large gut, where there are small breasts, there must always be large breasts, and where there are small minds there must always be great minds. These are dependent existences that we must all learn to accept and see in ourselves as well as others.

I could wake up everyday and conclude that my back is too hairy...but for what purpose. I know several men and women who love hairy backs. If I shave my back, what then? Now, I will disappoint the hairy back lovers. YOU ARE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE. Nothing in life is permanent. We will never please everyone. So, take pride in what you are...the one simple fact here is...you are ONE OF A KIND. What more could you ask for?

I will say this...I know for a fact where I may be short, one man or woman may be longer...where I am found right, other men and women will find me wrong. Enough said....?

Take pride in being ONE OF A KIND and love yourself.

Hypocrite...or made to fit?

Tonight after an exam I sat outside and discussed answers with students. Why? Well, they genuinely seemed concerned about whether they had answers right or wrong. Most of em.... There are always those few(and me included) who GLOW with the confidence that they had the right answers and are more than happy to let you know, with no concern for your situation.

But here's the thing.....I felt like a hypocrite the whole time!! In my attempt to help others, there is always that air of "I know more, you know less" that is conveyed. I believe my actions to be RIGHT ACTIONS, yet, it did make me stop and think......
....next time I see such actions I will stop and hold my quick to judge attitude and really listen to what is being said or conveyed.

I really think it was one of those situations I call "made to fit". A situation that represents that ONE THING that you have contemplating so hard for so long. And for now on, MADE TO FIT situations will be a topic for label.

Making the GRADE....way more important than it really is.

We all want to know how we compare in life. As students, we do it by trying to ask profound questions or avoid asking stupid ones in class and of course, the ultimate determinant--OUR GRADES.

By those standards, the last few days have been opportunity for measure in my world as a student. Three exams, 3 grades, and 160 other students to compete with. But, what measures what? Am I really competing?

In fact, I often find myself doing just that...measuring myself by the success/failure of others. However, what will I do when I am no longer a student? What will I do when I cannot feel inferior to others based on 6-10 points on an exam or where I feel like I can do anything because I scored 5% points higher than the class average.

Why do we constantly seek out the success/failure of our classmates? Why do we rush out and discuss answers to exams, grades we received, and the ALMIGHTY CLASS AVERAGE!?!? Well, obviously, we don't want to be THE ONLY ONE.

So, being the only one who got it wrong is bad and being the only one to get it all right is good. Hmm...I need to think on this one a bit. What are we really afraid of here? Coming soon.......

Road map.....

So, what better way to stop thinking, thinking, thinking, and wondering what's next than to make a weekly road map of "my ideal schedule"? Can I really conform to this............

The Schedule(click me!!) - THIS LINK IS MALFUNCTIONING..AND BLOWING MY MIND!

From The plan

Breaking the habit....

Today started off with one of my worst habits.....killing the alarm and jumping right back into bed. I honestly have no idea what the rationale for this is and have a dozen or so absences from my 7:30 MWF class to prove it is counterproductive. Is this relative? Extra sleep = more productivity?

At this point, I do not believe my investment in more sleep has provided me with fuel or an advantage to be more productive or successful. However....

Not all can be fixed at once. I have recognized this counterproductive habit and put value into the afflictive emotion and anxiety it creates in my life. I will remind myself before bed with a note card reminding me of the bad habit I wish to avoid when I wake in the morning.

In addition, I did manage to vary a bad habit/resist its temptation today. In social settings, I have a certain "topic" which people expect me to always contribute to. However, today, I did not take the initiative and put in my 2 cents on the topic. I merely sat back and enjoyed the discussion by listening. Unfortunately, someone noticed I was not commenting and made it a point to bring me to the point of discussion. I cracked......but it was not the same habit. It was a success. The new issue that has arisen dependently from this experience....peer pressure? One more for the notecards!!

Recovery?

So, here I am, 8 hours later. I did manage to let the anxiety go, study, and make up for my lack of productivity and focus today by being more focused and efficient in my study session.

However, I imagine now what I COULD HAVE DONE with that time had I kept my plans and committed to that type of focus throughout the entire day. But here I am....making note, contemplating RIGHT ACTIONS and not ignoring the cyclic nature that always leads me to the same disappointing results.

Soon, the plan will bemade more clear here........hours will be less important, and minutes and seconds will have so much more meaning. Or will I continue to be JALA?

Fails to plan...plans to fail?

Maybe.....
....but today, I woke up at 11am. Just 3 hours after my planned time of 8am. So, what now? My day started off with a FAILURE? Quite possibly. So, this begins my version of JALA. Day 1....I proceed to my normal cyclic existence.

1. Make a plan - don't follow it. Two failures:
Failure 1: Waste time on plan I never carry out
Failure 2: Not carry out plan(didn't wake up!)

Has the world collapsed........

In fact it has not, but my anxiety is up, my schedule imploded from that point on, and I am troubled with the burning question...do I re-plan my day? Start from scratch here at 3:41pm?

I know one thing...first the anxiety must pass. The mistake is made. I've accepted it. Anxiety must leave now.........

However, I still need to progress with my agenda for the day........let's see what happens.

So much taken for granted......

So, this begins with a simple statement...."Where there is long, there must be short". All things are relative. If this is so, my life style as an American may seem average to above average in the contexts of social life, education, self improvement, political action, compassion, and the firm belief in something greater than the self.

The point....

I CAN DO MORE. I cannot continue this life of "cyclic existence" where I ignore the lessons of the past and continue to claim the "human condition" of living my life based on afflicted emotions and ignorance.

At 28, I developed a list of 29 things I want to complete by my 29th birthday. In addition, now I want to record and display various other opportunities I have dismissed as JALA - JUST ANOTHER LAZY AMERICAN.

Even though the title says "another", I will concede to this - I am the ONLY lazy American out there. You must decide for yourself what makes you or does not make you JALA. As it really is all relative and at the end of the day...you must live with it.